the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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