Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
lol hangovers are for mortals.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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