she woke up with a sticky ear
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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