so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
