I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
