My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
