She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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