I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
