just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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