Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
