she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
