note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
