Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Congratulations! We have a period
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