the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
