Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
