You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
