Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
