i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
