i think my tv is drunk
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
