Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
