so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
