put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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