So drunk its hurt
she looked like the before picture.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
