I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Randomize
