i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Everyone says I win the strip club
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