I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You made out with two different species that night
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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