I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
