put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
