I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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