I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
