he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
