Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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