i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
