this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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