I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
