you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
