I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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