if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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