check it out our google latitudes are spooning
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize