not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
