i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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