I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
