it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
