I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Boobs are out for the taking
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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