I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You need a sexual gate keeper
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize