Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
