I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
