two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
