Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
