You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
FUCK WHALES
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
