I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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