finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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