We're facebook friends in real life
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
