Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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