im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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