she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
