at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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