The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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