So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
