well most of my day revolves around power hour
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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