If that was your dad, he is hot
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize