with your own penis?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
