She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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