i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
