I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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