Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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