just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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