do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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