Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
