Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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