I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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