I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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