You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dicks are not precious.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
