You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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