You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
