i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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