I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
