I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
