We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
